I realized that I didn't know what I wanted.
"What makes you happy? What gets you out of bed in the morning?" I asked myself.
A large part of me wanted to ignore this question, and many times I did for weeks, but a few nights ago the truth was knocking on my door. I cannot continue doing what I do now and expect to feel happy and fulfilled in the long run. I've got it narrowed down to: Scientific Research and outdoor activities. That's the result of six months of laying in bed wide awake and thinking, miles of running, and having many friends and coworkers ask me what I want.
Each time the question was asked a bomb went off in my head, anxiety, and a feeling of irritation would consume me. It's nice to have people interested in getting to know me, but this one seemingly innocent question came up often. When you have a part-time job doing something a high school kid could do, and you have a Masters degree in Biology, it raises eye brows.
I must admit my problem. I am afraid of failing, afraid of people thinking that I am stupid. I don't want to lose the bit of confidence I have. Which is why I like the no stress undemanding job I have. These feelings are normal and common. People have them all the time and have amazing careers. I could just shrug my shoulders and start applying for jobs right?
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